19 April, 2024

This is the last newsletter of this academic year 23-24. The last few weeks in LC were crazy. During this time the frequency of tea breaks that facilitators took had also increased. As usual the end of every semester is busy and emotionally draining so this wasn’t any different, but the heat short circuited our brains frequently.. :).

Review Meetings

The first half of the day during the review weeks were all about writing reviews and meetings with parents and children. This year we were satisfied with having arrived at a method of self assessment and feedback that seemed workable. All these years we have tried many things and this is the year we felt we have nailed it. We monitored the progress (daily and weekly) and gave timely feedback to children throughout the semester. 

These review meetings are twice in a year which is one of the ‘sacred’ processes of LC. This is the time when we question, assess and listen to each other. We go through our whys and why nots of what transpired and how we should move from here.

During these meetings being a facilitator is an interesting position to be in. A lot gets unravelled in front of us. Its a heart warming experience. We feel humbled to be privy to this trust and such closeness. We get to see the ethos of the family too. Who is the domineering one? Who has really made the plunge, who is in denial and who is still sitting at the edge? Sometimes it gets emotional and there are tears. Sometimes we all are cracking up because the family is pulling each others’ legs. It’s a jolly time then. 

Majority of the time what we do is devise strategies with the child and parent. Try to see if all three of us agree on something that is doable and measurable. And many a times we don’t know what to do or say. What can you say to the parent who understands and is supportive but is anxious for the future of the child. A mother who is patient and is waiting for a glimmer of hope (?). A father who sees talent in his child and believes that unless pushed the talent won’t come to fruition. Or a parent who simply wants to make a connection with the child. Differences of opinions and individual parenting styles among the parents are also visible. At times we can identify a pattern, looking at similarities between the parent and child. Sometimes they are diametrically opposite. Its like this, if a parent is very organised then the child can be either organised or completely unorganised. 

Dhamaka Day Prep

While these meetings were going on, the rest of the LC was in complete disarray (atleast according to us!). We decided that we won’t interfere with the Dhamaka day preparations this time. The sessions had stopped, they were excused from Seva and there was no individual time. But only a few were planning, rest were on their on own trip. Preparing for Dhamaka day is a challenging task. Deciding the program, ideating, auditioning, arranging the sound system, food, costumes, props, invitations, rehearsals, cleaning, etc. It is quite a list for our children to take care of. So it is a big learning opportunity and was just slipping away in front of us.

The first two weeks went like that. How long could we look the other way? Date was coming closer and nothing was going as per the schedule. So our pent up frustration rained on them at last. After that they all got their act together, people were planning and practising. I know we erred in shouting at them. But it also seemed that if we didn’t do anything then we were clearly headed for a train wreck. A poor show in front of family and friends! Who will take responsibility of that? And who would have learnt from that? Only a few. We had a circle time to discuss this. Barring a few rest all were either blaming each other or saying “I don’t know what to do”. If you didn’t know what to do, then why did you sign up for dhamaka day? Trying to find the answer to this question became messy. Children asked us what we were contributing for Dhamaka day (obviously we weren’t the ones dancing and singing). Why then are we meddling with their affairs? So our role was to become silent spectators to the tragedy in making? This realisation made us sore from inside. If this space is so dear to all then why don’t our children care. Do we also show them what it is to care? Only meva and no seva? 

Facilitators (including external) were mainly driving the show. They were putting their best by giving time and managing resources, which includes props, costumes, etc. So in conclusion we were contemplating whether or not to skip Dhamaka day completely next year. Since it wasn’t all “self directed” you see.

So we downed a few cups of tea and got back to thinking. What we realised is that it is futile to expect them to take charge. Not because kids will be kids. But because they don’t see any value in it. Ofcourse, they want to be part of the party and have fun but they can’t arrange for the party. Because it is not their need. They can’t imagine in their minds how a fallout of this event would look like or feel like. Then we also asked the question, do we only work because we are in need? Can we not work for the community? Only a few kids in LC want to have a celebration, not all. In that case how can we make sure that the need of the few are satisfied? And is it ok to think that I will only work for my needs? All this talk about intrinsic motivation says that I should be doing things only when I am internally motivated. Aren’t we then creating self centric humans? Is there no value for the wisdom and experiences others share with me? Don’t we do things for our loved ones, because we know that they will like it? In this world of intrinsically motivated people, is there a place for bearing responsibility for the sake of others. Is there anything called a sense of duty, or is that out of fashion now? There are no right answers to these questions and it will vary from person to person. But we need to think about it since we are speaking this language of needs, community, responsibilities and motivations. Maybe we all need to think over it during LSH meetings.  

5 years of LC

This year we have finished 5 years of LC and peeking into the past makes me feel one of those feelings when you are on a hike. A realisation that you have come a long way when you look behind. But the real test is when our first batch of kids will step out of LC, which is in the near future. We get many visitors in LC. Some of these visitors are in wonder. They would say things like, “You are very brave to have created a place like this.” Some think we are crazy, “What will happen when the children join the mainstream?” Despite their opinions, all of them agree that this is a space where everyone feel accepted no matter who they are. No judgments. Majority of the kids who come for trial at once feel at home. Visitors before they leave, offer to help and show interest in general activities. They send us books and toys. They are humbled by the experience and want to come back. Maybe they think that a space like LC need to flourish, it has a place in our society. They may not put their kids here but no one objects to the idea of LC. They are worried because the world outside is tough. But morally they think this is the right thing for children instead sending them to school. 

I think…we got to do what we got to do. Keep at it but be careful of not being complacent. And ofcourse, keep our fingers crossed!

Have a great summer!